October Update
"Nature is blurting out an abundance of ambivalent behaviours and I’m caught in the middle of it!"
This thought brings a smile to my face as I skid along the trail that I’m running, for what seems like the 10ᵗʰ time in the last 10 minutes.
With each step I take I run the risk (literally) of unpredictably gliding along the surface on a layer of ball bearing style acorns, resembling some sort of novice demon hunter trying their hardest to co-ordinate the dance.
It’s not a good look on me.
It’s a mast year this year. Nature has taken its time to slowly build resources over the past 5 years, it has taken a lot of effort and now it’s the time to release an abundance of fruits. The aim, survival. To make sure there’s a continuation of new growth.
It’s a beautifully risky example of survival behaviour to try and run through.
There's a certain sort of paradox about this for me.
It is simultaneously the most beautiful time of year to be outside in nature, moving through a nostalgic morning mist tinged with the scent of ripening apples (you can take the girl out of the west country but…). Finding warmer clothes for the parts of the day that signal summer is over. But it’s also a risky time of year if I ignore or avoid noticing the changes taking place. The mast year expression of survival behaviour leaves me with some choices to make.
Complacency will most definitely end in a fall. Stubborn haste and a reluctance to adapt will certainly end up in me feeling hurt. Both choices are rooted in a reluctance to accept the change presented to me and in ignoring the need for the expression in the first place.
Or I can pause - slow down.
Accept that right now the landscape looks different and it’s changed because of a survival need.
I remember that attachment behaviours are triggered by survival needs.
I remember that all behaviour makes sense with enough information.
For me, the slowing down is a challenge.
Ambivalence needs to feel our safe, steady, consistent care. Through pausing, taking a breath, slowing my pace, I can navigate a way through - whilst also appreciating the beauty of each acorn, the beauty in a smile or a look. This part is important.
Noticing the individual elements that make up the whole, not lumping all of it together and calling it risky.
Whether it's your children, your child, your partner, your friend, at some point you are likely to be faced with a similar choice this season. What will you do? Will you run on through regardless, neglecting to pay attention to the expressed need to be noticed, will you tread all over the signs, sometimes with the best of intentions.
Or will you pause and slow your pace - which might take effort in a different way - and pay attention to what is abundantly clear?
A mast year expression of need, whether it’s linked to work, school, friendships, family. It requires a pause and mindful journey through, staying consistent, staying steady and stopping when needed.
With this choice comes appreciation of the beautiful details that make up the whole.
- Katy